would you go with me?

I have to mary my best friend.
     Whenever I try and start a relationship with someone I don't know very well, I always end up...back at square one. aka alone. I know that sounds SO dramatic. But, it proves a point. In all of my relationship experience, the relationships have been based more on attraction than friendship. The element of friendship grows, but the attraction is still stronger. I think that's a problem because, rather than really get to know the person, I just want a more romantic connection. Romantic connection is something I dream about, something I crave. I cannot wait for the day I meet who I'm going to marry and I find the right guy for me! 


     The problem is, is I think every guy I like could be "the one". So, I rush into "loving them" and I let my mind travel to the future where we're sitting on a pew in church with our 5 little kids playing with their toys, or we're travelling to places I've always wanted to go, or I picture our engagement photos....I know, I'm crazy. But it happens, and I've tried everything I can to stop myself from doing that. And because this happens, I feel like I never get into the most important part of a relationship which is being BEST FRIENDS.


     Something my favorite seminary teacher told me was, "marry your best friend." I plan to do that. In order to do so, I have to slow my crazy heart and brain down a bit. I need a guy to get to know me for ME, and not for my kissing or my cuddling or my whatever it may be. I want someone to like me for who I am first, and the move on to the next steps. That is probably going to be really hard for me because I LOVE LOVE! I get into that stuff really quickly, and I think what ends up happening is either: 
               a) the guy I like doesn't feel the same way
               b) the guy that likes me doesn't like me as much as I like him
               c) the guy just wants to kiss me
               d) I scare the guy away by things I say or do 
This makes it difficult for me to have  a REAL, SOLID relationship. I think what I need to work on is not being so intense. Just be relaxed and let things happen. Let things develop into more. 


So, basically what it comes down to is, the guy I marry will probably have to be a guy I hate when I first meet him.